In my Reflective Journal this week I wrote about an experience I had with a new co-worker many years ago. At the time I guess I was a little thrown off by the experience with this woman, but of course I didn't know what I know now, especially in regards to Microaggressions. But it has been because of this assignment now that I can see I was also a victim of a Microaggression.
During a conversation with this woman she commented on my last name and how unique it was, and how she had never heard it before. She then proceeded to ask me if my last name was Italian, or Greek, which to me was a very odd question because I never thought of my name but anything then what it was, Spanish. When I told her no, it was a Spanish name, her reply then was, "Oh then your husband must be Hispanic". to which I then replied, "Yes he is, but I don't go by my married name, I go by by my maiden name". At this point she looked very confused, and by then I was more than aware of what this nice, but very naive woman was confused about, and that was because it wasn't the first time I had an experience like this with this kind of reaction.
I have had many people over the years, especially when I was younger, ask me about my nationality, especially when they heard my Spanish last name, or even when they saw my parents, or my siblings. I suppose I have always stood out a little, and maybe to others looked a little different from most of my immediate family. So I guess in the eyes of this woman, maybe I didn't look like her so-called stereo-type of what a Spanish, Hispanic, or Mexican woman should look like, but instead I am fair skinned, light haired, with colored eyes. My response then to her then was, "In case your wondering if I am Hispanic I am, and for what it matters, my great grandparents came from Spain and they both had blond hair, very fair skin, with colored eyes, and from what my grandfather has always told me, I am the grandchild who has always looked just like my great grandmother".
So in conclusion I would definitely have to say that it was because of this assignment this week that my perception on the effects of discrimination, prejudices, and stereotypes have greatly changed. And even though I truly feel this nice, but naive woman, was unaware of her own biases and prejudices, especially in regards to her ideas of what Hispanic women, or for that matter, Hispanic people are suppose to look like, I still think she was very wrong. And more importantly it is because of this experience that I will take what I have learned and make a conscious effort to be aware of my own biases, and never try to do that to another person what this woman did to me. And even though she might not have been aware of her actions, that still doesn't mean that comments or other peoples negative perceptions such as this cannot cause damage. And speaking from personal experiences of my own, I can honestly say that these kinds of experiences can and does have a great effect on a persons self-esteem, as well as have a negative impact on their life.
During a conversation with this woman she commented on my last name and how unique it was, and how she had never heard it before. She then proceeded to ask me if my last name was Italian, or Greek, which to me was a very odd question because I never thought of my name but anything then what it was, Spanish. When I told her no, it was a Spanish name, her reply then was, "Oh then your husband must be Hispanic". to which I then replied, "Yes he is, but I don't go by my married name, I go by by my maiden name". At this point she looked very confused, and by then I was more than aware of what this nice, but very naive woman was confused about, and that was because it wasn't the first time I had an experience like this with this kind of reaction.
I have had many people over the years, especially when I was younger, ask me about my nationality, especially when they heard my Spanish last name, or even when they saw my parents, or my siblings. I suppose I have always stood out a little, and maybe to others looked a little different from most of my immediate family. So I guess in the eyes of this woman, maybe I didn't look like her so-called stereo-type of what a Spanish, Hispanic, or Mexican woman should look like, but instead I am fair skinned, light haired, with colored eyes. My response then to her then was, "In case your wondering if I am Hispanic I am, and for what it matters, my great grandparents came from Spain and they both had blond hair, very fair skin, with colored eyes, and from what my grandfather has always told me, I am the grandchild who has always looked just like my great grandmother".
So in conclusion I would definitely have to say that it was because of this assignment this week that my perception on the effects of discrimination, prejudices, and stereotypes have greatly changed. And even though I truly feel this nice, but naive woman, was unaware of her own biases and prejudices, especially in regards to her ideas of what Hispanic women, or for that matter, Hispanic people are suppose to look like, I still think she was very wrong. And more importantly it is because of this experience that I will take what I have learned and make a conscious effort to be aware of my own biases, and never try to do that to another person what this woman did to me. And even though she might not have been aware of her actions, that still doesn't mean that comments or other peoples negative perceptions such as this cannot cause damage. And speaking from personal experiences of my own, I can honestly say that these kinds of experiences can and does have a great effect on a persons self-esteem, as well as have a negative impact on their life.
Hi Sylvia
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how this assignment has open our minds to Microaggression that has happen to us as individual. The thought of your eye color or the spelling of a last name would have people trying to figure out waht race or what your nationality. I wish that all people could understand that the world is difference as well as people.
Sylvia,
ReplyDeleteI think your post is a great example of how simple comments that maybe had no harsh intentions can be internalized as hurtful. My husband and his family are from a German descent. Every male in his family has brown hair and brown eyes. My son was born with blue eyes and blonde hair and his family jokingly questioned whether or not he was a Riesinger. I was offended that they would even ask that question. Microaggressions can come in many forms and from everyone.
Sylvia,
ReplyDeleteI have a very close friend who has the same thing happen to her all the time. She has a Spanish last name and is a red head with green eyes. Like you, she is of Spanish descent. In my family I have a sister who is quite petite and blond, unlike the rest of us. When she was a little girl we used to tell her that she was adopted. We thought that was funny. I see now the harm we caused by the microinvalidation.
Thank you for sharing how someone assumes your culture just by the background of your name. I hope that your explanation to her that not everyone from the same cultures looks exactly the same can help her from not assuming she knows everything next time. I also think you handled the situations excellently by enlightening her on what your background is.
ReplyDeleteIsn’t it funny how people expect you to fit a certain shape or picture that they draw for you in their minds and refuse to believe that you could be who you are. This whole week I have been reflecting on the many incidents micro-aggressions that surround us and I have been sharing it with my children because I want them to both learn and reflect. My daughter said that on one occasion, one of the kids in her group assignment said “hey that is not fair that group has four Asians and we have none, of course they are going to win”, I was shocked to hear what she said but I guess that is the unfortunate reality of our society today.
ReplyDelete